It does take a village to raise a child. As the due date arrives, it's a good idea to start assembling this village.
There are a lot of different sources of care for babies, and the final schedule will depend a lot on your lifestyle and budget. For example, if your work schedule is more flexible, you might rely more on parent-only care. This is a great way to bond with your baby and have complete control over their upbringing. Another common arrangement is asking relatives to help out. (2.5 million grandparents in the US alone help raise their grandkids!) Neighbors and friends can also provide care when you can’t.
I suggest getting organized about this. Make a list of family and friends, and write down which ones are most likely to show up and cook you a meal, which ones are more likely to want to hold the baby, which ones are you most comfortable being in front of in your bathrobe with spit-up/throw-up on your shoulder. Who will change a diaper? Who wouldn’t mind being asked to do some dishes? Who gives really good advice? Which friend is likely to raise a child that eats nothing but kale and quinoa? This is not a list of who is better than whom. It’s a list of people’s strengths and, yes, weaknesses, that will help you figure out who is best to help you when.
Once you’ve got a sense of which friends and family might support you best during different phases of your recovery, map out an ideal scenario of who would visit you and when.
Start practicing asking for what you want and need from your little village now. If you haven’t slept in days and need your sister to come watch the baby while you get some shut-eye, ask her!
Make it easy for people to help you out because they do want to help you out! You can set up a Care or Google calendar where people can sign up to help with childcare or pitch in around the house. You can set up a meal schedule through websites such as Mealtrain.com and Takethemameal.com so your friends and family can sign up to bring you dinner. You can even research a cleaning service and ask for gift certificates to use them.
Nannies are also a wonderful way to get some extra help. With a nanny in your home, you have more control over what your child is exposed to, where they go, what they eat, and what their schedule looks like. Most nannies provide detailed reports of the day and send parents pictures. If this is important to you, a nanny is a good option. They also fit right into your schedule as you can choose the timings.
A tighter budget might make you more likely to send your child to daycare rather than hire a nanny. Although, as a new parent, you might be reluctant to send your child to the daycare, there are many advantages for your child. Daycare provides the benefit of socialization where kids can learn and grow with other children. It is also has a chalkful of resources such as new toys and play equipment that will be important for your child’s development. Day care centers also must follow state regulations around safety, staffing, sanitation, and space issues.
I know there can be guilt with asking your loved ones for help, but trust me you and your partner are going to need it! Instead of thinking of it as getting extra help, think of it as nurturing your community, deepening your connections, fostering your friendships, and building your village, one that will not only strengthen you and your family but your whole community.
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*The information and reference materials contained are intended solely for the general information of the reader. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose health problems or to take the place of professional medical care. The information contained is neither intended to dictate what constitutes reasonable, appropriate or best care for any given health issue, nor is it intended to be used as a substitute for the independent judgment of a physician for any given health issue. If you have specific questions, please consult your health care provider.
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